Book Your Appointment
Book your appointment by filling out the form below.
Taking Resilience Back
|
Picture this: you’ve taken a day off from school or work and you decide that you’ll run some errands that you’ve been putting off. Yet, at every turn, you’re put off by slow traffic, long lines, careful (colloquially known as ‘bad’) drivers, slow walkers, bicycles, trains, streetcars, Uber drivers, delivery persons, construction... you get the point. As the day goes on, you realize you may not be able to get everything done for today. By the end of it all, you realize you’re completely drained having exhausted all your energy in your emotions; emotions like frustration, anger, stress, anxiety, or nervousness that has been building throughout the day. Then all of a sudden, nearing the end of the day, you come across an elder person. You notice their slow and diligent walk while carrying a few grocery bags in the midst of all the chaos in the city. The longer you look at them, the more steadiness you notice in every step they take; the cool of their stride doesn’t falter; the steady beat of their feet continue rhythmically. And you wonder, how do they manage to keep on going with all this going on? You might say to yourself, “I can’t even do it in my 20’s or 30’s, how am I going to do it when I’m her age?”
What I humbly offer here is no single philosophy to life’s complications, but rather a collective human voice from all corners of the world. This is an introduction to building resilience in the face of inconveniences, problems, big or small, and oppression. Essentially, treat this as a guide to help you build your inner strength in reacting to any event that may happen in your life. At the very least, it’ll be an outlet to relieve your inner feelings and emotions, because one thing that we try to practice as therapists, is self-awareness; self-awareness of your emotions, your surroundings, and your own mental health.
What a tiny part of the boundless abyss of time has been allotted to each of us – and this is soon vanished in eternity; what a tiny part of the universal substance and the universal soul; how tiny in the whole earth the mere clod on which you creep. Reflecting on all this, think nothing important other than active pursuit where your own nature leads and passive acceptance of what universal nature brings.
Marcus Aurelius, emperor of the Roman empire some two thousand years ago, wrote this in his personal journal with no purpose of publication; he wrote it simply because he felt this way. I know. A lot of words thrown around in his book, but once we break it down we’ll notice it’s a simple life lesson. Three things to note, that’s all.
- Aurelius places his fellow members of the human race in the larger timeline of the universe; everything that has existed before and after us. What we notice when he puts us there is that we’re fairly small. In fact, we’re a speck. Talk about cynical, right? But here’s where Aurelius turns this popular sentiment on its head.
- Aurelius points this out to emphasize its importance, and rather than focusing on the negative, he teaches us that once we recognize our place in the larger universe, we can now “think nothing important other than active pursuit,” meaning conscious action or duty, “where your own nature leads,” meaning wherever your personal interests in life are. In other words, focus on you. The rest is static, background, grey noise.
- Finally, we’ll draw to a close with the last seven words in the quote: “…passive acceptance of what universal nature brings.” Universal nature is synonymous to the divine order, fate, destiny, the way of the world. Whatever you believe is the order of the universe and the reason behind it. Aurelius doesn’t attempt to hide the fact that life will often bring you hardship that can weigh you down. He acknowledges that burdens will often come with life, and he learns to accept them. An acceptance that is passive, not active, means your mind is no longer actively pursuing to accept the burdens in life, but rather accepts them as passively as moving objects while driving; acknowledge them, recognize them not as unknown objects but not part of the world, trust in their purpose, and continue forward so as not to trouble your mind with their inevitable consequences.
----------------------
Thích Nhất Hạnh. You’ve perhaps seen this name pop up on your social media a few times in the last couple of weeks. Nhất Hạnh, spiritual leader, activist, and, poet. Banished from his homeland Vietnam for refusing to support a war on communism, he never sought to fight back with violence. He vowed at the age of 16 to practice Buddhism, and he continued to hold steadfast to his beliefs until his life came to an end on January 22 of 2022.
What he found through Buddhism was a code of ethics, but like any student of 21st century knowledge, he felt the ancient philosophy was limited in its capacity for more modern subjects, so he studied science, became editor of a humanist magazine and established a community of applied Buddhism. He aspired to teach others to put into practice the principles of mindfulness, compassion, and reconciliation. You’ll notice the similarity here with Aurelius’ point is that each offers a unique passive acceptance to life’s many burdens. What’s brilliant and fresh of Nhất Hạnh’s approach is he practiced exactly what he preached. He put to test, like the great modern leaders of the 20th century, his beliefs. He was not afforded the luxury of being emperor, as Aurelius was, to think of his philosophy. He was forced at a young age to accept the harsh reality that life can bring and, quickly, as if intrinsically brought about, he accepted it. Once accepted, he lived through his principles everyday. He applied his philosophy and made it his mission to help those in his community to thrive the same way he has.
--------------------
In honour of Black History Month, I’d like to use one especially important voice for not only the civil rights movement but for Black women’s voice in the shaping of our collective history.
“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, so anything in between doesn’t come as a surprise.” Angelou’s mother captures this image through every moment spent with her daughter. Through personal growth, Angelou takes the best of her childhood, and it didn’t often come with many good outcomes, and moulds it into a model of beautiful struggle and peaceful defiance. This quote illustrates a simple philosophy. First: remain optimistic in life. Second: develop a strategy to life that will protect you in case disaster strikes. This strategy should emphasize your emotional and spiritual protection. Once having done these things, Angelou illustrates that life will not catch you off guard, for you’ll find, rather unexpectedly, you’re well prepared.
Though Angelou spent periods of her life bouncing between her mother, father, grandmother and other family members, she seeks to make the best of each moment. At the tender years of childhood and adolescence, we often don’t become aware of our surroundings. Yet she allows her upbringing as a point of departure for growth, and through it she creates meaning. By Angelou allowing her mind to spill its thoughts onto paper, whatever the outcome may be, she transformed her vulnerability into her strength. She worked through her problems until she found the solution. And that solution wasn’t always the easiest to locate in the face of oppression. Maya Angelou, recently passed away in May 28th of 2014, was a woman of resilience. But resilience doesn’t mean toughness or just courageousness. Angelou emphasizes through her storytelling that resilience in life often takes the shape of vulnerability.
----------------------------------
Below, I’ll write down the books from which excerpts were taken to better explain resiliency. Each author offers a humble, poetic, and unique point of view. When taken together, it adheres to a higher call for each of us. A call for kindness, a call for compassion, a call for mindfulness, and most of all, a call for resiliency in the face of all burdens that may come.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Peace is Every Step by Thích Nhất Hạnh
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Please give us a call here at Pathway-Therapy if you'd like to dive deeper into what resilience could mean for you.
At Pathway-Therapy, we openly welcome and work with many life challenges.
Understanding why and how you react or feel the way you do in relationships with others helps you take a step towards a healthy, grounded, and fulfilled place in the world. Working with a trained psychotherapist will help you explore your life with different lenses and introduce alternative choices and pathways.